I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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