So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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