If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
vagina is talking i cant
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
i think my cat just said my name.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
