i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Houston, we have a blender
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I'm experimenting with sincerity
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
