Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
