my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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