You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
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