I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Randomize