I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
