i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
