Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
