If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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