I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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