I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Randomize
