look no pants
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
