I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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