Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize