I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
