so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
