I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
NoShamevember. You game?
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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