Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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