told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
