Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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