smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
