He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
