i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I think my moral compass just broke
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
