wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
