yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
