Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
pray to the hookup gods
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Randomize