im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
