can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
