Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
