Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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