I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Randomize
