Where did you get a picture of my penis
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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