I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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