I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
