I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
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