Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
