He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
