I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize