So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize