Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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