if i can run in heels then i can drive
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
