I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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