Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Duck Duck Cougar?
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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