I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize