Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Randomize
