if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
whose ass print is on the piano?
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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