did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
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