My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
