then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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