hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
