why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
