So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
