I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
