Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
