Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Randomize
