in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize