grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Randomize
