Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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