k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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