just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
party gras won. party gras always wins.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
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