When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
A+ Viking dick
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
