I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
P.S. I can't hear my feet
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
