forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Randomize